I think I’m beginning to unravel

Oh my god I can’t take it.  I am a raging weeping mess. I haven’t had any drugs in almost a week and in the past week I have started crying at the drop of a hat and have had three major rage episodes. One where I screamed FUCK at the top of my lungs while whipping stools and chairs around the kitchen. All because I couldn’t reach the spaghetti container. Not really, there was more to it but for some reason that spaghetti container put me over the edge.

I started crying while talking to my massage friend about my dysfunctional family and drunk Aunt. I hardly ever cry in front of people. It was a rage fest complaining about my aunt who’s turned into an alcoholic who I can’t even hold a conversation with anymore and not wanting to be the mediator of the family like my mom was and my dysfunctional brother who can’t manage money therefore WE, I mean My brother and I no longer get a share of my grandmothers estate(not like there is much but it was supposed to go to us because my mom is dead and we would get her share, but she lives in assisted living at $5,000 a month and I’m sure there will be nothing left anyways) and because my aunt likes me better and because I call and stop in by grandma every now and then and because I took care of my mom while she was dying I am getting most of her assets when she dies and my brother will get a little something. Which is all a big secret that I have to keep from my brother!

To top it all off I’m having one of those bleeding like a mo fo with lots of clots, bleeding through your tampon in an hour, blood all the way up your ass and leaking all over your sheets in the middle of the night periods and am completely exhausted between the bleeding and no drugs.

I just can’t take it anymore! I feel like I’m schizophrenic and Bi-polar at the same time! After napping for 2 1/2 hours I attempted to do my math homework which is through an on-line program (but I still have regular classes that I go to at school) but there is a quiz due today. I have until midnight to finish it. I burst into tears because I don’t get it. I keep re-reading the instructions and then start crying harder because I STILL don’t fucking get it. Then I go tell SM and I cry to her and then burst out laughing because it’s so ridiculous that I’m crying over MATH. SM tried like 6 times to pass math when she was in school so she understands what I’m feeling so I am laughing and crying on her at the same time while she is laughing at my emotional breakdown over the remainder theorem.

Can someone please explain this to me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polynomial_remainder_theorem

This is actually better than the explanation my math program has and I might be better off studying wiki. Anyway, I’m still crying about it.

So much for Spring Break

Well there are two days left of Spring break. I am not counting Sunday cause it’s Easter, then Monday is back to school. How lame is that? I hate having spring break BEFORE Easter.  Things I planned on doing but didn’t accomplish: read book for sociology that I have to do book report on, catch up on 3 chapters of reading for sociology, get math homework done, do lots of research for the big English research project, read chapter for communications class, get paper work in order to apply for a scholarship.

Things I did accomplish: Sleep for 13 1/2 hours, picked up nails left by asshole roofers at Sugarmomma’s moms house, moved SM’s sis and kids away from asshole ex husband, went to another niece’s b- day party, went to asshole cousins confirmation, had friends over for lunch to visit which required 2 days of cleaning, had delicious fajitas that I have been craving for months, got taxes done(and by got taxes done I mean someone came to the house and did them for us) and we are actually getting a REFUND instead of having to PAY.

Today I reflect on the week’s accomplishments as well as the week’s failures. While feeling so overwhelmed and disappointed I’ll most likely get stressed out and try and cram all things I wanted to get done into these last two days completely ruining any relaxing effect that spring break might have had. Which has almost all been ruined anyways because today being the day after the first official day of spring we are having a snow storm. Yep a 6-10 inch, heavy, wet, windy, drifty, “don’t leave your house unless you have to” kind of snowstorm. Yesterday I was picking up nails left by the roofer at SM’s mom’s house and it was in the 40’s and sunny, I was outside in just a t-shirt. I grilled steak for fajitas and it was a pleasant, but cool evening. By 10pm last night it was freezing and windy.

 This morning I woke up to this sight:

Dinner

I came home after spending all $150 worth of target gift cards I had on cat litter, Dawn, toilet paper,zantac, and tongs, and was so ravenously hungry that I ate a huge plate of bag salad. Complete with the stem in it, yum. Followed by a half a bag of cool ranch Doritos. Now I’m going to fall into a diabetic coma for an hour or so and when I wake up I’ll try and keep my eyes open and focused long enough to simplify polynomial long division <gag>.

Day light savings bullshit

I hate this stupidness. How can one hour fuck your body’s time-clock up so much? It seems to take forever to recover from one stupid hour. Why can’t they stop doing this? What if we just forgot to turn the clocks back in fall, would it really matter? I guess the one good thing about fucking everyone up with daylight savings time is the sudden extra light at dinner time. To celebrate the extra light SM and I are having steaks!

In the brisk 23 degrees of  bitter windiness and snow falling I will stand freezing my ass off for the succulent taste of open fired t-bones. Thanks to auntie and uncle who got us a new grill for Christmas, I can have delicious grilled food all year round.  Happy Daylight Savings Time!