I think I’m beginning to unravel

Oh my god I can’t take it.  I am a raging weeping mess. I haven’t had any drugs in almost a week and in the past week I have started crying at the drop of a hat and have had three major rage episodes. One where I screamed FUCK at the top of my lungs while whipping stools and chairs around the kitchen. All because I couldn’t reach the spaghetti container. Not really, there was more to it but for some reason that spaghetti container put me over the edge.

I started crying while talking to my massage friend about my dysfunctional family and drunk Aunt. I hardly ever cry in front of people. It was a rage fest complaining about my aunt who’s turned into an alcoholic who I can’t even hold a conversation with anymore and not wanting to be the mediator of the family like my mom was and my dysfunctional brother who can’t manage money therefore WE, I mean My brother and I no longer get a share of my grandmothers estate(not like there is much but it was supposed to go to us because my mom is dead and we would get her share, but she lives in assisted living at $5,000 a month and I’m sure there will be nothing left anyways) and because my aunt likes me better and because I call and stop in by grandma every now and then and because I took care of my mom while she was dying I am getting most of her assets when she dies and my brother will get a little something. Which is all a big secret that I have to keep from my brother!

To top it all off I’m having one of those bleeding like a mo fo with lots of clots, bleeding through your tampon in an hour, blood all the way up your ass and leaking all over your sheets in the middle of the night periods and am completely exhausted between the bleeding and no drugs.

I just can’t take it anymore! I feel like I’m schizophrenic and Bi-polar at the same time! After napping for 2 1/2 hours I attempted to do my math homework which is through an on-line program (but I still have regular classes that I go to at school) but there is a quiz due today. I have until midnight to finish it. I burst into tears because I don’t get it. I keep re-reading the instructions and then start crying harder because I STILL don’t fucking get it. Then I go tell SM and I cry to her and then burst out laughing because it’s so ridiculous that I’m crying over MATH. SM tried like 6 times to pass math when she was in school so she understands what I’m feeling so I am laughing and crying on her at the same time while she is laughing at my emotional breakdown over the remainder theorem.

Can someone please explain this to me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polynomial_remainder_theorem

This is actually better than the explanation my math program has and I might be better off studying wiki. Anyway, I’m still crying about it.