Take my breath away

Have I ever mentioned that I have seasonal allergies? Yes, from spring to fall. My only break is winter when I’ll end up with the flu instead. I ended up getting a job at school and the first day I’m going to meet everyone I work with I wake up with an itchy, swollen, watery, glassy, bloodshot eye. Nice huh?

This isn’t actually that bad. It’s usually worse but somehow I managed to stop myself from rubbing and scratching my eyes before it got REALLY bad. After having a conversation with my Aunt about allergies I have surrendered to the world of over the counter drugs and bought some Zyrtec-D. We are going to the land of Lincoln (Illinois) for Sugarmomma’s family reunion. This is truly a rural small town community where everyone knows each other and you’re either a farmer or you work in one of the businesses in town. My allergies are always out of control when we go there. Sneezing with no exaggeration 50 times in a row, or last year for no reason at all my eye wouldn’t stop itching and was so bloodshot it looked like it was bleeding and was swollen to half it’s size. Of course there are all the other discomforts of allergies that worsen when visiting there like the stuffy nose, watery eyes, itchy throat, itchy nose. So in an attempt to not be completely miserable there I decided to try the Zyrtec. I have to say that so far it’s amazing. I thought I’d try a couple days off since I’m going to be on it for 24 hours a day for several days starting tomorrow. I hope it works this good when we are in allergyville tomorrow. I usually go the all natural route which works fairly good, until I get to the real country side. I can tell a big difference not taking the Zyrtec.

I decided to tackle the basement today for two reasons. One is I can’t find some recipes of my mom’s that I want to use and thought they might be down there. Two, since we had an obscene amount of rain and our basement had some flooding issues and I saw mold down there I wanted to finish mopping the basement with bleach water to make sure it gets stopped before a major outbreak happens and the house in condemned. After moving some boxes around and transferring some of the contents into a plastic bin I found an antique camera from Sugarmomma’s grandpa completely covered in mold. The box stunk like mold, mildew, mustiness. That makes me so crabby and sad to see that covered in black furry mold. It was a really cool camera that still worked and still had film and now it might be ruined. After being down there for 15-20 minutes I could feel the dampness getting to me. The stuffiness set in and I just felt like I couldn’t breathe down there. How scary that it can have an affect so quickly. I bleached the floors and walls as well as the wood on the staircase and got the hell outta there as quickly as I could.

I think I’m beginning to unravel

Oh my god I can’t take it.  I am a raging weeping mess. I haven’t had any drugs in almost a week and in the past week I have started crying at the drop of a hat and have had three major rage episodes. One where I screamed FUCK at the top of my lungs while whipping stools and chairs around the kitchen. All because I couldn’t reach the spaghetti container. Not really, there was more to it but for some reason that spaghetti container put me over the edge.

I started crying while talking to my massage friend about my dysfunctional family and drunk Aunt. I hardly ever cry in front of people. It was a rage fest complaining about my aunt who’s turned into an alcoholic who I can’t even hold a conversation with anymore and not wanting to be the mediator of the family like my mom was and my dysfunctional brother who can’t manage money therefore WE, I mean My brother and I no longer get a share of my grandmothers estate(not like there is much but it was supposed to go to us because my mom is dead and we would get her share, but she lives in assisted living at $5,000 a month and I’m sure there will be nothing left anyways) and because my aunt likes me better and because I call and stop in by grandma every now and then and because I took care of my mom while she was dying I am getting most of her assets when she dies and my brother will get a little something. Which is all a big secret that I have to keep from my brother!

To top it all off I’m having one of those bleeding like a mo fo with lots of clots, bleeding through your tampon in an hour, blood all the way up your ass and leaking all over your sheets in the middle of the night periods and am completely exhausted between the bleeding and no drugs.

I just can’t take it anymore! I feel like I’m schizophrenic and Bi-polar at the same time! After napping for 2 1/2 hours I attempted to do my math homework which is through an on-line program (but I still have regular classes that I go to at school) but there is a quiz due today. I have until midnight to finish it. I burst into tears because I don’t get it. I keep re-reading the instructions and then start crying harder because I STILL don’t fucking get it. Then I go tell SM and I cry to her and then burst out laughing because it’s so ridiculous that I’m crying over MATH. SM tried like 6 times to pass math when she was in school so she understands what I’m feeling so I am laughing and crying on her at the same time while she is laughing at my emotional breakdown over the remainder theorem.

Can someone please explain this to me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polynomial_remainder_theorem

This is actually better than the explanation my math program has and I might be better off studying wiki. Anyway, I’m still crying about it.

Dinner

I came home after spending all $150 worth of target gift cards I had on cat litter, Dawn, toilet paper,zantac, and tongs, and was so ravenously hungry that I ate a huge plate of bag salad. Complete with the stem in it, yum. Followed by a half a bag of cool ranch Doritos. Now I’m going to fall into a diabetic coma for an hour or so and when I wake up I’ll try and keep my eyes open and focused long enough to simplify polynomial long division <gag>.

VD

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 Sugarmomma got a card from Stella and the other kids, a card from me, a candle, three kinds of chocolaty treats, a new pair of mittens, flowers, a massage (which she said she didn’t want right now). I am not the most romantic person. Ok I am not romantic at all. I am not spontaneous. But the thoughts behind the gifts were actually thoughtful.

 I am trying to get off my medication for anxiety. I have started easing off my dose of Zoloft and I am at half of what I used to take. Thankfully, I haven’t had any harsh side-effects and haven’t had any relapses with anxiety. I am having some dizziness which isn’t a big deal since half of my life is lived dizzy, but I seem to be a bit emotional lately. Striking out at sugarmomma more than usual and on the verge of tears. Could I be having PMS or is this just a low in the highs and lows of life? I guess I’ll wait it out or see what my Dr. says next week at my next appointment.

Oops I crapped my pants

Two days ago I crapped my pants. For real. I crapped my pants. I am almost 30 years old and I crapped my pants. I mean just a little, but still. I am horrified. That is all.

Someone please tell that it is ok and that I am not alone. Please help.

Garlic Soup

I was given the recipe for Garlic Soup from my Step-Mother-in-law. She is from the Czech Republic. Is it supposed to make you all better no matter how awful the sickness. Surprisingly, it’s not as bad as you think.

 I have caught the disease again. Sugarmomma had it first and then I contracted it. The last two weeks I can’t even remember how many batches of garlic soup I have made to cure her, prevent myself from it, and then cure myself. I missed 6 classes and a week has almost passed.

 So if anyone wants it. The Czech cure all garlic soup:

The Original Version-Garlic soup is something that someone else is supposed to do for you when you are sick. So give the recipe to someone else to make it.
Boil water, put some caraway seed in there, couple potatoes to get
soft, dab of butter or olive oil. When potatoes soft add fresh garlic,
minced and mixed with salt. Lots of garlic. Don’t cook, turn off
immediately to preserve the properties of the golden vegetable (is
garlic veggie)

Since this soup is very bland and I don’t care for the way caraway seeds taste this is how I make it.

Use a carton of chicken broth and then add maybe one or two bullion cubes. Add a bunch of cut up celery and onion. I add some spices…… parsley flakes about a 2 tsp. some oregano flakes maybe 1/2 tsp. chili powder small amount 1/2 tsp so it doesn’t get too spicy but you might need to taste…. Anything else that seems like it would be good in it, sometimes mint is nice cause it soothes the throat but it can be hard to find fresh so check the spice aisle. Sometimes I add some couscous but only add a little bit because it expands a LOT. 

 I add maybe a clove or two of garlic and then let that all cook for awhile. I add some water after the veggies have softened a little and it has cooked down a bit. When it seems done I turn off stove and then add a whole bunch of garlic, 4-5 cloves or so. Let it set for a couple of minutes and then eat. If it doesn’t taste good sometimes adding maggi helps. You can make it any way you want the only thing is add caraway seed if you like the taste it has healing properties and add lots of garlic at the end.

This IS GARLIC soup. So you will stink and have bad breath so I suggest eating it when you know you are not subjecting loved ones or the public to your sickened presence.
 

Desperately seeking something

I just ate a small bunch of grapes and then followed it up with five of these. Does that even out? They are only available year round in the candy stand next to the check out in certain stores and gas stations. Come Halloween time they come in bags for the trick o’ treaters. I almost came when I saw them. They can be hard to find and are usually gone before Halloween even hits, completely destroying your chance of buying 15 bags on clearance to ration out for the next year. I don’t know what it is that makes them so good. Let me try to describe. It’s similar in concept to a Nutty Bar. However, the peanut butter has a richer taste and the crisp wafers are a little thicker. The chocolate distribution is perfect, more than a nutty bar, enough to make the perfect mix with peanut butter but not too much that it overwhelms the crispy peanut buttery explosion in your mouth.

I never cared too much for Mcdonalds and the whole Monopoly craze in the past. But something has happened to me and I think I’m going to win something. For real. I have given myself some kind of permission to live like a slob and eat Mcdonald’s more than is humane. Last week I ate Mcdonalds for breakfast and dinner. IN THE SAME DAY!! I couldn’t believe it. It’s like something inside of you aches so bad for the Mcdonalds that you can’t control yourself. It’s like crack. I ate it again this morning. While sitting at school I realized I am so fat. I am uncomfortable in my body because I have never been this fat before. I keep wanting to just start a lifestyle change. Just go to the gym and workout and eat veggies and chicken for the rest of my life. But I can’t for some reason. Because I need to buy at LEAST a medium soda and large fries to get my game pieces. Thank god it’s only going on for a month. I will need to detox like the guy did in Supersize me.Everything he said in that movie is TRUE. If you don’t believe me you go eat Mcdonalds for a few days and see what happens. Just keep your hands of my game pieces bitch.

Quarantined

I am sick. I am now officially a student since I have contracted the student sickness. The sniffling,sneezing, coughing, aching,  stuffy head syndrome, that nyquil isn’t even touching sickness. There is no way of escaping it, I wash my hands everytime I go to the bathroom, but it’s still there. Lurking on every chair, table, desk, door handle, keyboard, mouse. I mistakingly use the same fingers to turn a page in my used textbook that I use the insert food to my mouth. Accidentally rub my itchy nose after I have pushed on a door handle. I try to pry open doors with my wrist so that I won’t be in direct contact with the filthiness or kick the handicap symbol on the wall and wait the 2 minutes it takes for the automatic doors to open. It still got me.  My face feels like it’s going to explode off my head leaving a mess of snot and blood on my computer screen. Airborne which has helped tremendously in the past is not doing shit this time. Speaking of shit. If you have never had airborne before what they DON’T tell you is that the high levels of nutrients and vitamin C you are taking will clean out your intestinal tract like drano to the point where you will be screaming for mercy and praying for the day your asshole will stop burning  and bleeding leaving you housebound and within at least 30 feet from the nearest toilet.

In other news…..My sister in law(SM’s sister) is having issues with her asshole ex husband again. They have been technically divorced but he somehow wiggles himself back into her life and they have a house together. She wants to get away from him, but feels she can’t make it on her own. SM and I are trying to help her anyway we can to get her and her kids away from the fucker. It’s so frustrating seeing someone so vile treating the people you care about like shit and not being able to do anything about it. I wish he would die.  Last week was particulalry bad with several fights and ended up with him punching the crap out of kitchen appliances and the cops being called. Lovely.