Happy Fourth!!

SM and I rushed out of the house this morning in hopes to catch a glimpse of her neices in a local parade. Guess it wasn’t much of a parade cause by the time we got there(20 mins late) it was over. Then we drove around looking for them before they drove off so SM could take some pictures but didn’t find them. I couldn’t stand SM’s crabbiness because she didn’t drink any coffee and I went to Starbucks and got her some and then she even can’t drink it because it’s too hot. Great.

The neighbors are actually gone! Since we live on a lake we could have the beach all to ourselves. But SM thinks it’s too cold. I don’t want to go down there alone because I’m severely co-dependent and can’t do anything by myself anymore. I am crabby today. There is nothing to do, we don’t have any friends. SM doesn’t feel like doing anything. So I got crabby enough to go outside and cut up a bunch of long branches with a chainsaw and then chop the smaller pieces up with an ax for the fireplace this winter. They have only been sitting around for two months now. The local garden store always puts out old pallets with a “free wood” sign by them. I took one and some other strange tripod looking things so I would have something to put the wood on. I have it sitting next to the shed and made some braces out of the tripod things so the wood will stay without falling off either side. I’m proud of my dykedom today.

Remember when the fourth was exciting? You would spend your allowance on a fireworks package from the local grocery store or Ben Franklin. You couldn’t wait to light of your snakes during the day and watch the black little circles grow into a giant swirl and then watch ash float down the street. Except there weren’t fancy grill lighters like there are now and you would have to use matches or your dad’s zippo and you’d always end up burning the hell out of your fingers. You couldn’t wait until it got dark for your sparklers and volcano cone that whistled and changed color half way through the 10 second display. Awesome! The days before would be spent playing with snaps and party poppers which you thought were so lame, but they always came with your fireworks package.You had to save the good stuff for the fourth. One time I put a bunch of snaps behind my mom’s tire and when she backed out of the garage she thought she had blown a tire. I was laughing so hard and my mom was pissed. I got grounded, but it was worth it. I thought I was cool cause I could pop the snaps in between my fingers. Yea, I was hot even then.

I used to hate everything patriotic. I don’t really know why. Maybe because I thought America was so anti-gay and that to me was anti-American. Who knows. I’ve been angry at the wrong people for along time. For all those who serve our country, thank you. I know most of those who go into the armed forces go because they want a good job and money for college and good benefits. Not because they want to kill people and find ways to make more enemies and weapons. Thank you to those who are fighting and ensuring our safety. This day is for you.

VD

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 Sugarmomma got a card from Stella and the other kids, a card from me, a candle, three kinds of chocolaty treats, a new pair of mittens, flowers, a massage (which she said she didn’t want right now). I am not the most romantic person. Ok I am not romantic at all. I am not spontaneous. But the thoughts behind the gifts were actually thoughtful.

 I am trying to get off my medication for anxiety. I have started easing off my dose of Zoloft and I am at half of what I used to take. Thankfully, I haven’t had any harsh side-effects and haven’t had any relapses with anxiety. I am having some dizziness which isn’t a big deal since half of my life is lived dizzy, but I seem to be a bit emotional lately. Striking out at sugarmomma more than usual and on the verge of tears. Could I be having PMS or is this just a low in the highs and lows of life? I guess I’ll wait it out or see what my Dr. says next week at my next appointment.

Shut the FUCK up

I have survived my first week of school! I have to say that my schedule is fairly easy except for Wednesdays. Wednesdays are from 10am to 10pm. I have handled it better than I thought I would. Although I am scared about all the reading that I have to do. I am not a good reader, I usually have to re-read things cause I realize I can’t rememeber what I just read. Since I am somewhat retarded and I don’t understand how to read a syllabus I accidentally did two days worth of math homework so at least I don’t have that this weekend, and I read a chapter more than was necessary in my communications book and didn’t study for a quiz. I still did well on the quiz though.

It was suggested by several parties that I stay at school after and between classes to do my homework and reading. There are places to go that offer quiet environments with no distractions. This is an excellant idea that I have been trying to stick to as much as I can. At school there is a commons area with tables and chairs, a cafeteria area, study center, Campus connection, and of course the library where you can go to do your work etc.  The commons area is by the  front entrance, usually not too many people are there and it’s fairly quiet. Yesterday and today I just about choked the living shit out of a bunch of headbangers and loser frat-esque type guys that were ROCKIN OUT in the arcade. Yes, the arcade is located adjacent to the commons. Granted it’s pretty cool to have an arcade and I plan on shooting the crap out of some sniper bad guys and then racing some morotcycles but who the hell decided to put that right by the commons? So after listening to headbangers ball on full blast and the frat-esque boys screaming about some martial arts game I moved to the campus connection. Which is a sad excuse for a room. It’s basically two tables a bulletin board and a bunch of pamphlets and free magazines like Rent monthly or auto connection and a few copies of the Onion that are about 6 weeks old. Just as I settled in there a couple of elderly sorority girls set up camp for CRU “Christ thru University”. After trying to ignore their snickering and Ya’s from the girllsssss, I packed up and headed to the study center. So finally some peace and quiet where I can concentrate. For about 4 minutes until Sparky starts talking to students and chit chatting with anything that will give her the slightest notion of interest. Sparky is basically my age. A few years past the college age but she thinks she can be cool with everyone cause she’s still young. Then Sparky(who I call this because she sparks up a conversation with everyone she can including the troll janitor) starts talking to Marge. Marge is by far the sorriest excuse for a lesbian I have ever seen. It’s almost as if she is straight and pretending to be gay. She has the classic short semi spikey hair with the Lisa Loeb glasses and somewhat masculine walk and a voice that could shred wood. Marge talks so loud it echoes. ECHOES! I move to the other side of the study lab thinking somehow I can escape her voice and the loudest bag of chips ever that she decided to start eating from bouncing off every table, partition, computer, door, and please keep noise to a minimum, no eating, no cell phones sign. Where Bob is in his office coughing like he’s is about to die and trying to talk to someone on the phone about how his mother died and he left that account open to take care of any bills after her death and now it’s not inactive. So I packed up my bag and left hoping that I could get some work done even with all the distractions at home.

The Beginning of the End

I am a 29 year old lesbian who has decided to go back to school. This is my very first entry.  I start school in 4 days and I’m sure there is more to come…………