The end is in sight

Where the hell have I been? This semester has flown by. It’s almost over already! Only about 2 weeks left and just in time because I’m on the verge of losing my mind. When am I going to share all the pictures of the crazies at my school?

 Somehow I picked classes with an extraordinary work load. I am behind in all my classes which to my horror I realized just HOW far behind last week. Despite working all day at school I come home and eat dinner, then work most nights until midnight and spend most of my weekend working,  I am still behind.  I have a huge research paper for English, an interview and report plus group project crap for business communications, I’m behind in math and need to catch up for the final exam in two weeks, and I have a book review for sociology on top of the regular reading I am supposed to be doing but haven’t.

This book for sociology is actually really interesting and has been an easy read. I hate reading, especially books, so for me to say that is pretty amazing. I think everyone in the U.S. should HAVE to read this. It’s about how Americans buy too much, have too much debt, work too much, and create the most insane amount of waste and pollution imaginable. Affluenza: The Al-Consuming Epidemic. The sad thing is the part that has touched me most is that I realized I havent’ spent anytime with nature in the past few years.  I started crying while reading and thinking about how much I was missing the connected feelings of being with nature. Whatever, I’m so fucking lame! And apparently still feeling emotionally unstable after stopping my medication.

We have new neighbors! Uugghhh. I think I might be having anxiety issues because we have new neighbors and I haven’t been sleeping good. But Fuck! That’s gonna be a long story. I have work to do and I neeeeeeeeed to get back to work on my book report.

Day light savings bullshit

I hate this stupidness. How can one hour fuck your body’s time-clock up so much? It seems to take forever to recover from one stupid hour. Why can’t they stop doing this? What if we just forgot to turn the clocks back in fall, would it really matter? I guess the one good thing about fucking everyone up with daylight savings time is the sudden extra light at dinner time. To celebrate the extra light SM and I are having steaks!

In the brisk 23 degrees of  bitter windiness and snow falling I will stand freezing my ass off for the succulent taste of open fired t-bones. Thanks to auntie and uncle who got us a new grill for Christmas, I can have delicious grilled food all year round.  Happy Daylight Savings Time!

VD

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 Sugarmomma got a card from Stella and the other kids, a card from me, a candle, three kinds of chocolaty treats, a new pair of mittens, flowers, a massage (which she said she didn’t want right now). I am not the most romantic person. Ok I am not romantic at all. I am not spontaneous. But the thoughts behind the gifts were actually thoughtful.

 I am trying to get off my medication for anxiety. I have started easing off my dose of Zoloft and I am at half of what I used to take. Thankfully, I haven’t had any harsh side-effects and haven’t had any relapses with anxiety. I am having some dizziness which isn’t a big deal since half of my life is lived dizzy, but I seem to be a bit emotional lately. Striking out at sugarmomma more than usual and on the verge of tears. Could I be having PMS or is this just a low in the highs and lows of life? I guess I’ll wait it out or see what my Dr. says next week at my next appointment.

Oops I crapped my pants

Two days ago I crapped my pants. For real. I crapped my pants. I am almost 30 years old and I crapped my pants. I mean just a little, but still. I am horrified. That is all.

Someone please tell that it is ok and that I am not alone. Please help.

19 Days

Until I turn THIRTY! I am horrified that I am turning 30. I don’t feel like I’ve lived that long. I remember being a kid and feeling like I would NEVER be that old. I will no longer be in my twenties. I will no longer be in my late twenties. I will be in my thirties.  Thirty years old, going to school full time, not working. Sugarmomma is taking me to see Loretta Lynn for my birthday. Actually Sugarmomma’s dad and his wife are taking all of us. He retired this year and moved to Illinois to his family’s homestead about 300 miles from us. They are going to travel up here and  we are all going to see Loretta Lynn. She happened to be in the area in concert on the night of my birthday. I can’t think of a finer way to spend my birthday than to listen to Lorreti croon.

P.S. I officially haven’t smoked in two years. I still can’t believe it. Thanks Sugarmomma. If it wasn’t for you threatening me with divorce I’d probably be smoking again. Love you.

I did it

For so long I had thought I was so stupid that if I went to college I would flunk out. To the contrary I managed to pass ALL my classes with three A’s and one B a GPA of 3.75. I am proud. I wish my family was.  It seems no one cares and when they do remember to ask about it it’s half heartedly to maintain conversational ordinance.  I think if I had gone to school right after high school I would be a below average student. I am glad I am returning as an adult to tackle higher education.

How was your holiday? I managed to make it through another holiday season. The hell of writing out christmas holiday cheerness to family and friends before they sent their own christmas cards, the shopping madness, the wrapping until 2am madness, the food, the family, the decorating, the cookies and fudge madness.

My mom and I made fudge every year, along with my grandma’s sugar cookies. Since she passed away I have not made a good batch of fudge. First, I couldn’t find the recipe which was supposed to be in the cook book I had of hers. Then I found out my brother and sister in law had it. I was living in Virginia at the time so they had to e-mail the recipe to me. The recipe is written on an old scrappy piece of paper and was slightly illegible. Trying to read my mom’s writing my sister in law and I tried making this fudge several different ways over the past four years. Neither one of us was able to make a decent batch of it. It turned out burnt, too runny, too thick, too greasy, or caramelly. After doing some recipe research and review of past trials I FINALLY made a decent batch of my mom’s fudge. I can’t tell you how exciting it was to have a bite of fudge that tasted like my mom’s! Thanks mom.

I got some nice gifts from Sugarmomma. She always gets me nice things. I tried to get her nice things but I didn’t get her what she wanted. I thought she wanted a video camera but she didn’t. I couldn’t get her the Sirius Stiletto portable satellite radio because it was sold out. I couldn’t find the Superman address book she wanted to replace the one that Nova peed on as a kitten, and I couldn’t find the bail n seal jar she wanted for her coffee. I at least got her some reindeer plates and Rudolph serving platter from Pottery Barn that she wanted. My dad however hit a new high with gift giving this year. He gave me a set of four solar yard lights and a stainless steel funnel. I don’t know why, I never said anything about them ever. Two weeks ago I talked to him on the phone and he mentioned that he gave money to my brother again and that he would give me $1,100 to me too to make it even. I don’t know what happened to that. Merry Christmas.

Jolly Ole St. Nicholas

St. Nick came.  I got lots of goodies in my stocking and out of my stocking as well. I got Lindt Dark Chocolate truffles. YUM! Some Ferrero Rocher deliciousness. And to my total surprise of got Candidas Chocolate. FUCKING YUM! These are some of the best chocolates EVER! Seriously, these chocolates make me a little wet. Pricey, but worth it.

I also got a Yo-Yo because I always wanted one as a kid but never got one. A Scrubby for in the shower. Two pairs of jeans (which I ordered for myself but St Nick delivered). A t-shirt that has the Metro Map of DC on it. It made me kind of sad to see all the stops we won’t be stopping at anymore. We called the Trains Bitch. I don’t know why we started calling her that but it is a loving nickname.

Sugarmomma got a rolling pin, digital cooking timer, Reese’s peanut butter cups, coffee cup, turtles, and Cadbury Creme egg (they make them for christmas now). She also got herself some jammie pants, boxers, shower scrubby, Lindt milk chocolate truffles, and  DC State flag shirt.

Meg got a NeeeEEEEEW BEEEEED( in the price is right announcers voice). Sugarmomma picked it out from Orvis. Meg thinks it’s ok. The children love it. I don’t think it’s worth the price. I am disappointed.She also got a huge bone. The children got a new toy and some treats. They like the box that Meg’s bed came in better than anything else.

St Nick was very nice this year and I didn’t get any coal. I hope you didn’t get any either.

Hypocratic Oath

Should I feel bad that I haven’t worked since the end of June and yet I am enjoying the day we set aside for the working class? Does this day even make any sense? I feel like a Hypocrite that I’m taking advantage of the day that is reserved as a special vacation day for those people who work so hard. Their one last day to enjoy the summer, one extra chance to go swimming, grill out, take the kids someplace special, go fishing, go “up north”, or go camping. So to escape the feelings of non-worthiness we are going to clean and go cut the grass at sugarmomma’s momma’s house. That will definitely make up for it!

Sugarmomma’s momma has dementia. Although she can still live by herself and is aware of her surroundings and capable of doing moderate activities. She can’t drive, cut the lawn, cook very well, organize and take her pills properly. So we are there several times a week helping out. You shouldn’t be 29 and having to take care of a parent already.

Happy not working day!

The Beginning of the End

I am a 29 year old lesbian who has decided to go back to school. This is my very first entry.  I start school in 4 days and I’m sure there is more to come…………