If you like people watching you would have LOVED going to a Loretta Lynn concert. Especially if it’s in the Northern Lights Theater located inside of the
Potowatami Bingo Casino where we went. First of all you have to walk through the entire casino to get to the theater. The blinking lights, beep-boop-bop-Ka ching sounds mixed with the smell of cigarettes, metal, grease, and B.O. was intoxicating. It was a white trash bonanza! A mish mash of the most homely, androgynous, too much eye shadow, hick wannabes I’ve seen since the last time I watched
Cops. I was worried I would be stared at because I was the only one not dressed up in a blouse and khakis but as soon as I saw the majority of women and men wearing flannel and work boots I knew it would be ok. I think my favorite sight of the night amongst the mullets and sprayed bangs was the woman wearing a pink (fake Velvet) velour dress that was at least six sizes too big on her and with her (gay) boyfriend in a suit that resembled a Grand Ole Opry country style suit that was about six inches too short.The opening act was The Stray Cats who had a hit in the 80’s (stray Cat strut) which I do sorta remember. They looked crazy and played a good bass but all their songs sounded the same. They played for what seemed to be an eternity.We’re ready for Loretta to sing all her goodies and then some men walk on the stage but no Loretta. First Loretta’s son Earl comes out and sings a song which I have never heard of “Aint’ as good as I once was”, a Toby Keith song. Now I am no singer, but I assure you that I have heard better singers at karaoke night at the local gay bar. He could hardly move around stage, he had no rhythm, and his very light colored jeans were from 1982. I was not impressed.After he sings he goes and picks up a guitar and I think “shit do I have to listen to him sing another”? But no he apparently has enough musical talent to play backup guitar with the boys in the band. What a winner. Then a woman walks onto stage and the audience starts briefly clapping until they get a decent look at the woman and realize that it’s not Loretta. She says hello thank you for coming out etc and just as I’m about to shout outloud “who the hell are you”? She explains she is Lorretta’s daughter Patsy Ann one of the twins. She sings “Woman to Woman”. I suspect she got the most musical talent handed down to her. She sounded pretty good, but still why is she singing?
Finally after listening to 40 minutes of the opening act and two songs from family members Loretta comes out. 9:15pm She begins her concert singing:
Let your love shine.
If your lookin at me, your lookin at country.
When the tingle becomes a chill.
Loretta says hello and how nice it’s to be in Milwaukee and makes a reference to not being Detroit and that nothing but bad things come from Detroit and then Earl pipes up and makes a remark. Must be some kind of family joke involving the loser son and Detroit. Now the first few songs she seemed to rush through like the tempo of the music was sped up and she sang fast to keep up. She says this is your show so you get to decide what I sing. The audience begins shouting out songs and she can’t hear them very well and just keeps telling the band to take off on one and she seems annoyed to be there and that the band is taking forever to start playing. She sings:
Portland, Oregon.
They don’t make em like daddy anymore.
One’s on the way.
The pill.
You aint’ woman enough to take my man.
9:35pm: By this time Loretta had to take a seat. She is 73 for god’s sake and she was wearing a ball gown and high heels. I think one of the things I love most about her is her sense of humor. She jokes around with the audience and certainly seems to give Earl a hard time (which I am thinking he deserves and since I’m completely annoyed by him am enjoying immensely). She brushes it off and jokes with the audience when she can’t remember the words to a song or sings the wrong lyrics. Sometimes people would shout a song and she’d say “Oh I can’t remember that one honey, you know I wrote it, but I just can’t remember it.” We clearly hear someone shout “Coal Miner’s Daughter” and she says “Now I save that one for the very end. So if you hear that one you know it’s the end of the show.”
Loretta seems to have a fascination with the microphone cord. Now why in this day and age of technical advancement people are still using microphones with cords is beyond me, but she was constantly moving it around, winding it up, futzing with it in her fingers. I suppose after so many years of performing you get used to having it and need it there. She seemed bored a few times on stage so I suppose it might provide some sort of entertainment or preoccupation.
She continues the concert with:
Love is a foundation.
Fist city.
At this point she begins coughing in between lines of the song and also in between the song and I begin to wonder if she’s going to make it through the concert.
She manages to get the coughing under control and sings:
Blue Kentucky girl.
Don’t come home a drinking.
Dear Uncle Sam.
Squall on the warpath tonight.
Loretta complains that the band is blasting way too loud and that they need to turn it down. Earl of course had to argue and I don’t even know what he mumbled about but it made me want to beat him with a baseball bat after the concert, but they did turn it down a little. So this Earl son of hers seems fucked up to me. I get the impression that he is the fuck up of the family and has to be bailed out of trouble time and time again and so the only way to keep him on track is to have him work for Loretta to keep him in line. At some point in the evening he said something about booze and drugs.
Loretta croons on with:
Here I am again.
Outta my head and into my bed.
It’s time for family Karaoke again! Loretta starts talking about how her grand daughter is always telling her what to do and there is a female voice coming from nowhere to argue with her saying that “no she don’t grammaw”. So Loretta says that her granddaughter told her she was goin to sing tonight and proceeds to introduce her granddaughter. I didn’t catch her name but she came out talking to her daddy Earl, Big surprise.
Granddaughter sings “Before he cheats” to a much higher quality than her dad sings but not Loretta quality. She at least moved around a little and seemed to enjoy singing. You could tell by the way she lifted her leg up (moving her heel towards her ass) and throwing her arms around. She also bent down holding her stomach like she had a belly ache when she sang the long notes and that means that she’s “feelin” the song. Why can’t anyone sing an original song or at least one of Loretta’s? I guess I could understand having family members singing if they wanted to break out on their own and try out new songs on an audience but they are all just singing other famous people’s hits.
Earl says something about how he can make em real good and that he should sell his sperm. Thankfully Loretta didn’t hear it and when she asked what he said Granddaughter said you don’t want to know and she ain’t gonna repeat it.
Loretta talks a little bit with the audience. I love the way she talks. If you have ever seen the Coal Miner’s Daughter where Sissy Spacek Plays Loretta that’s exactly how Loretta talks in real life. On a side note: Sissy Spacek was fucking amazing in that movie! She sang and played guitar herself and sounded fantastic! So while she was talking one of the backup singers interrupts her and walks to the front of the stage. She says “I wasn’t talkin to you and who said you should come up here”? He continues to talk about some bullshit ignoring Loretta. He looks like a wanna be Rod Stewart, complete with leather pants. The second back up singer looks like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz and is also wearing gay leather pants. The third backup singer looked like every gay otter I’ve ever known but he was at least knowledgeable enough about fashion to know that leather pants are a no-no. Rod Stewart bursts into “Peaceful easy Feeling” backed up by the two other backed up singers while Loretta stays sitting and “catches her breath”.
Rod mentions that Loretta not only wrote 100’s of hits but also wrote and sang gospel songs and if she had “caught her breath” and the audience wanted to hear one they would sing a gospel song. Loretta sings with the boys: “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die”.
Loretta and the three idiots sing acapella: No one stands alone. They sounded fucking amazing! It gave me chills.
Then she sang Coal Miners Daughter and it was over.
Despite the annoying family members and retarded back up singers Loretta did sound great. For 73 she put on one hell of a show even if it was only an hour! Besides one band member played my favorite instrument, the steel guitar. I did manage to get one decent picture
.
I also got a few short videos which aren’t the greatest quality visually or with audio but you get the point.
Fist City
You ain’t woman enough to take my man
The Pill
