Pripojeni

So I went to this retreat for my new job. My new bosses thought it would be a great way to meet and get to know everyone. I’m going to be working in the office at my school and this would be a way to get to know the people a little easier before I start working with them and become overwhelmed with office information. Well somehow I got convinced to give chair massages (I used to be a massage therapist). I got convinced to give them “out of the goodness of my heart” because there was no money in the budget for anything and I would be working for tips. The chair massage would be a nice surprise for people at lunch. So of course no one would have any money with them or money small enough for tips and I would end up getting screwed. I kept thinking how can I say no? I mean really how can I really say no to giving “such hardworking, loyal, deserving” people a little chair massage? I could see if I knew these people and saw how much they could use it and deserve it but these were strangers! I tried really hard to keep a positive attitude and to put it out in the universe that yes I could do this, I could do this out of the goodness of my heart. Perhaps this is some kind of payback for kindness I have received or will receive, or perhaps a small way to say thanks for all the financial aid.

Well I was expecting to be bored to death and feel uncomfortable and left out the whole day being the girl who nobody knows. Even the other girl they hired has already started and knows people already. She was very friendly and talkative which helped make the day go by a little easier. Again, I tried to stay positive and be cheery and involved throughout the day. I must say it wasn’t that bad. Most of the day was actually fun activities and a lot of joking amongst the staff. Our first activity was water color painting. The theme of the day was “connection” so our art project was to paint the word connection in a language of your choice and then we put it in a frame and display on our desk as a reminder of the day and to stay connected. I chose Czech. I painted pripojeni on my paper with a swirl thing that is supposed to represent two separate entities connecting. Why is that you can have something in your mind, you can picture it perfectly and then when you try to put it on paper it ends up looking like shit?  Anyway.

I was told about 20-25 people would be attending and maybe about half of them would want massages. I ended up giving 5 chair massages. Which is fine with me. We had less than an hour for lunch, I had to eat and give 12 or so people massages, not gonna work. I made $12. It was lame. I gave people maybe 3-7 minutes of massage before they got called away, pushed out of the chair, or lunch was over.

All in all it was kind of a nice day. I got paid for my time there and made $12 in tips. Here is my new masterpiece. It was my first time working with watercolors, so be gentle with your comments.

Horrible

I swore I wasn’t going to be one of those horrible bloggers who updated a mere few times a year and I’m afraid I’m turning into that blogger already. I am going to really try to get all my thoughts out there for all zero readers to read instead of just thinking them over in my head and never posting them.

So much to catch up on. Sugarmomma turned 30! Had a big party and had father in law and step mom were in town and staying with us. I’m exhausted. The week leading up the the party both of us of course get sick. I also have horrible allergies from spring through fall. So not being able to breath and wanting to rip my eyes out of me face scratch them with sandpaper and scour them with scalding water while sneezing so hard I pee and have snot dripping down my face is not the most productive way to get ready for a party. It was a lot of work but I think it turned out pretty good for my first “real” party.

Our new neighbors coincidentally had a party the same day. The last girl in the group was turning “21″. Most normal people go OUT TO THE BARS when they turn 21, but not our neighbors. No, instead they have a party at home and terrorize us until the wee hours of the morning with stink and loudness. There were cars everywhere, people everywhere, loudness everywhere, the stench of beer mixed with cigarette smoke was everywhere. It was a long night. Sugarmomma found this in our mailbox two days later.
We don’t think Alisha works. We think only one of the four people next door work, Marissa works while her two roommates and boyfriend hang out with the dog and play video games all day. Alisha can be seen sitting in her car and talking on her cell phone while smoking cigarettes for hours every. I think she is in there smoking pot cause she doesn’t seem the quickest when you talk to her and we have overheard (we think it was her) saying that she is Sssooo high.

Denika called me today to try and set up a payment plan for my “deliquintile” credit card. I was confused and not understanding her mumbles asked her to repeat what she had stated and I also asked what credit card this was for. She said let me just get some information to verify I’m talking to the right person. Did you live on County line or is it country lane? I was like no, never, I never lived there. She asked me again if I lived in Roger, Wisconsin on county road? I said NO I never lived there. What credit card is this for? She asked if I was Common first name, Common last name with the middle initial of “S”? I said no I was Common first name, Common last name with the middle initial “R”. She said oh ok and hung up on me. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? Is this some kind of a scam or should I be worried that people are trying to steal my identity, or am I going to have to deal with this bullshit because my common name gets on some sort of “list”?  Then you call my house about 68 times within 3 weeks and when I finally answer and deal with your WRONG information you don’t even apologize AND hang up on ME! I should be the one doing the hanging up bitch.

And lastly, school is over. I worked my ass off and got a fucking B+ in English. That pisses me off so much. I am probably one of the smartest and more talented writers in the class and I got a fuckingB+. My hard work paid off for the rest of my classes with A’s. For the first time in my life I got an A in MATH. My professor told me I should consider going into mathematics, that I really have a good understanding of how things work not just what I’m supposed to do on the surface of things. That was a huge shock but also really nice to hear. I never got enouragement growing up nor did I get compliments much so it’s hard to accept it as much as I crave that kind of feedback.

I really liked my communications professor and I’m sad she doesn’t teach any other classes. She was nice enough to write a letter of recommendation for me for a scholarship I applied for and ended up getting. I wanted to say how much I enjoyed her two classes and was going to miss her but there were a bunch of students around us who were all rushing about and I was rushing and I had to get studying for another exam. I hate feeling like there is unfinished business.

Last week I FINALLY picked all my classes for the fall semester. I am going to take a psychology class which I’m really looking forward to. However, I am scared because I got a job in the student services office and I’m worried about not having as much time to work on school. I really don’t want to have my grades affected, but I also can’t keep being jobless forever. I start working in July so I only have a few days of freedom left. We are going to travel next week for Sugarmomma’s family reunion and then will have a few days before I start working. I am going to their office retreat this friday. I’ll have to explain the whole situation afterwards in a new post, but I’m really dreading it. Help.

The end is in sight

Where the hell have I been? This semester has flown by. It’s almost over already! Only about 2 weeks left and just in time because I’m on the verge of losing my mind. When am I going to share all the pictures of the crazies at my school?

 Somehow I picked classes with an extraordinary work load. I am behind in all my classes which to my horror I realized just HOW far behind last week. Despite working all day at school I come home and eat dinner, then work most nights until midnight and spend most of my weekend working,  I am still behind.  I have a huge research paper for English, an interview and report plus group project crap for business communications, I’m behind in math and need to catch up for the final exam in two weeks, and I have a book review for sociology on top of the regular reading I am supposed to be doing but haven’t.

This book for sociology is actually really interesting and has been an easy read. I hate reading, especially books, so for me to say that is pretty amazing. I think everyone in the U.S. should HAVE to read this. It’s about how Americans buy too much, have too much debt, work too much, and create the most insane amount of waste and pollution imaginable. Affluenza: The Al-Consuming Epidemic. The sad thing is the part that has touched me most is that I realized I havent’ spent anytime with nature in the past few years.  I started crying while reading and thinking about how much I was missing the connected feelings of being with nature. Whatever, I’m so fucking lame! And apparently still feeling emotionally unstable after stopping my medication.

We have new neighbors! Uugghhh. I think I might be having anxiety issues because we have new neighbors and I haven’t been sleeping good. But Fuck! That’s gonna be a long story. I have work to do and I neeeeeeeeed to get back to work on my book report.

So much for Spring Break

Well there are two days left of Spring break. I am not counting Sunday cause it’s Easter, then Monday is back to school. How lame is that? I hate having spring break BEFORE Easter.  Things I planned on doing but didn’t accomplish: read book for sociology that I have to do book report on, catch up on 3 chapters of reading for sociology, get math homework done, do lots of research for the big English research project, read chapter for communications class, get paper work in order to apply for a scholarship.

Things I did accomplish: Sleep for 13 1/2 hours, picked up nails left by asshole roofers at Sugarmomma’s moms house, moved SM’s sis and kids away from asshole ex husband, went to another niece’s b- day party, went to asshole cousins confirmation, had friends over for lunch to visit which required 2 days of cleaning, had delicious fajitas that I have been craving for months, got taxes done(and by got taxes done I mean someone came to the house and did them for us) and we are actually getting a REFUND instead of having to PAY.

Today I reflect on the week’s accomplishments as well as the week’s failures. While feeling so overwhelmed and disappointed I’ll most likely get stressed out and try and cram all things I wanted to get done into these last two days completely ruining any relaxing effect that spring break might have had. Which has almost all been ruined anyways because today being the day after the first official day of spring we are having a snow storm. Yep a 6-10 inch, heavy, wet, windy, drifty, “don’t leave your house unless you have to” kind of snowstorm. Yesterday I was picking up nails left by the roofer at SM’s mom’s house and it was in the 40’s and sunny, I was outside in just a t-shirt. I grilled steak for fajitas and it was a pleasant, but cool evening. By 10pm last night it was freezing and windy.

 This morning I woke up to this sight:

You little fuckers

Yesterday I fell. Last week it warmed up enough to rain. Then, of course it got cold. The mess of rain and soggy snow left a layer of ice on everything. The grounds-keeping at school is a ridiculous joke so of course the entire parking lot and walk ways to and fro all the buildings are covered in ice and snow. By one particular building the ice is really bad, covering about 90% of the sidewalk. As careful as I was I started to slip, whipping my arms out of my coat pocket and flailing them around for leverage like a gay boy in show choir and my feet sliding around like I was James brown. Flailing around for what seemed like an eternity, I just about caught my balance as I was half bent over and then the weight of my backpack  shifted over my head and down I went. I laid there for a moment after saying fuck and sighing in shame and anger. I got up and a group of kids walked by staring at me and laughing. I immediately felt rage building up inside of me. I yelled at them “No really I’m fine, thanks for asking” and turned around and called them fucking assholes loud enough for everyone in eyesight to hear.  I had to make the walk of shame past all the little fuckers into the building with droplets on my face from the snow flying and then melting on my enraged face and my pants soaking wet from my ankles to the top of my waist.

I can’t stand these little rude ass, egotistical shitheads. I wanted to kick their fucking asses. I finally get to the point in my life where I have enough balls to really call someone out and beat the shit out of them and I can’t. You know these spoiled mother fuckers would end up getting me expelled and suing me. So instead of beating the shit out of them I blog about the pompass ass bitches and I go to class and when asked what happened to me I tell the entire class about what the little fuckers did hoping that will be enough to let it go.

Blizzard of 2008

Yesterday the whole state was canceled due to weather. Most of the state was hit with a nasty snow storm that produced up to 20 inches of snow. That’s right 20. We only got about 16-18 inches. I thought it was going to continue snowing throughout the night and the today but it didn’t.

At 10pm last night I realized that I had to go to class the next morning and that I hadn’t read the chapter and taken notes for our quiz. I stayed up to almost 1am preparing all my notes.

The best part of wakin’ up,it was not like that here. I was woken up in the morning to the sounds of sugarmomma shoveling outside the bedroom window, little nieces yelling and laughing, toothbrushes that sing songs, cords being hit against the wall in a fury to get ready on time and have your hair straightened, nieces that want to show you their rash but you can’t understand what they are saying because they are missing all four front teeth, and best of all: the sound of sugarmomma’s coat zipper slapping into the sides of the dryer over and over because she can’t stand wearing a damp coat and has to dry it immediately after shoveling. 

19 Days

Until I turn THIRTY! I am horrified that I am turning 30. I don’t feel like I’ve lived that long. I remember being a kid and feeling like I would NEVER be that old. I will no longer be in my twenties. I will no longer be in my late twenties. I will be in my thirties.  Thirty years old, going to school full time, not working. Sugarmomma is taking me to see Loretta Lynn for my birthday. Actually Sugarmomma’s dad and his wife are taking all of us. He retired this year and moved to Illinois to his family’s homestead about 300 miles from us. They are going to travel up here and  we are all going to see Loretta Lynn. She happened to be in the area in concert on the night of my birthday. I can’t think of a finer way to spend my birthday than to listen to Lorreti croon.

P.S. I officially haven’t smoked in two years. I still can’t believe it. Thanks Sugarmomma. If it wasn’t for you threatening me with divorce I’d probably be smoking again. Love you.

I did it

For so long I had thought I was so stupid that if I went to college I would flunk out. To the contrary I managed to pass ALL my classes with three A’s and one B a GPA of 3.75. I am proud. I wish my family was.  It seems no one cares and when they do remember to ask about it it’s half heartedly to maintain conversational ordinance.  I think if I had gone to school right after high school I would be a below average student. I am glad I am returning as an adult to tackle higher education.

How was your holiday? I managed to make it through another holiday season. The hell of writing out christmas holiday cheerness to family and friends before they sent their own christmas cards, the shopping madness, the wrapping until 2am madness, the food, the family, the decorating, the cookies and fudge madness.

My mom and I made fudge every year, along with my grandma’s sugar cookies. Since she passed away I have not made a good batch of fudge. First, I couldn’t find the recipe which was supposed to be in the cook book I had of hers. Then I found out my brother and sister in law had it. I was living in Virginia at the time so they had to e-mail the recipe to me. The recipe is written on an old scrappy piece of paper and was slightly illegible. Trying to read my mom’s writing my sister in law and I tried making this fudge several different ways over the past four years. Neither one of us was able to make a decent batch of it. It turned out burnt, too runny, too thick, too greasy, or caramelly. After doing some recipe research and review of past trials I FINALLY made a decent batch of my mom’s fudge. I can’t tell you how exciting it was to have a bite of fudge that tasted like my mom’s! Thanks mom.

I got some nice gifts from Sugarmomma. She always gets me nice things. I tried to get her nice things but I didn’t get her what she wanted. I thought she wanted a video camera but she didn’t. I couldn’t get her the Sirius Stiletto portable satellite radio because it was sold out. I couldn’t find the Superman address book she wanted to replace the one that Nova peed on as a kitten, and I couldn’t find the bail n seal jar she wanted for her coffee. I at least got her some reindeer plates and Rudolph serving platter from Pottery Barn that she wanted. My dad however hit a new high with gift giving this year. He gave me a set of four solar yard lights and a stainless steel funnel. I don’t know why, I never said anything about them ever. Two weeks ago I talked to him on the phone and he mentioned that he gave money to my brother again and that he would give me $1,100 to me too to make it even. I don’t know what happened to that. Merry Christmas.

Quarantined

I am sick. I am now officially a student since I have contracted the student sickness. The sniffling,sneezing, coughing, aching,  stuffy head syndrome, that nyquil isn’t even touching sickness. There is no way of escaping it, I wash my hands everytime I go to the bathroom, but it’s still there. Lurking on every chair, table, desk, door handle, keyboard, mouse. I mistakingly use the same fingers to turn a page in my used textbook that I use the insert food to my mouth. Accidentally rub my itchy nose after I have pushed on a door handle. I try to pry open doors with my wrist so that I won’t be in direct contact with the filthiness or kick the handicap symbol on the wall and wait the 2 minutes it takes for the automatic doors to open. It still got me.  My face feels like it’s going to explode off my head leaving a mess of snot and blood on my computer screen. Airborne which has helped tremendously in the past is not doing shit this time. Speaking of shit. If you have never had airborne before what they DON’T tell you is that the high levels of nutrients and vitamin C you are taking will clean out your intestinal tract like drano to the point where you will be screaming for mercy and praying for the day your asshole will stop burning  and bleeding leaving you housebound and within at least 30 feet from the nearest toilet.

In other news…..My sister in law(SM’s sister) is having issues with her asshole ex husband again. They have been technically divorced but he somehow wiggles himself back into her life and they have a house together. She wants to get away from him, but feels she can’t make it on her own. SM and I are trying to help her anyway we can to get her and her kids away from the fucker. It’s so frustrating seeing someone so vile treating the people you care about like shit and not being able to do anything about it. I wish he would die.  Last week was particulalry bad with several fights and ended up with him punching the crap out of kitchen appliances and the cops being called. Lovely.

Shut the FUCK up

I have survived my first week of school! I have to say that my schedule is fairly easy except for Wednesdays. Wednesdays are from 10am to 10pm. I have handled it better than I thought I would. Although I am scared about all the reading that I have to do. I am not a good reader, I usually have to re-read things cause I realize I can’t rememeber what I just read. Since I am somewhat retarded and I don’t understand how to read a syllabus I accidentally did two days worth of math homework so at least I don’t have that this weekend, and I read a chapter more than was necessary in my communications book and didn’t study for a quiz. I still did well on the quiz though.

It was suggested by several parties that I stay at school after and between classes to do my homework and reading. There are places to go that offer quiet environments with no distractions. This is an excellant idea that I have been trying to stick to as much as I can. At school there is a commons area with tables and chairs, a cafeteria area, study center, Campus connection, and of course the library where you can go to do your work etc.  The commons area is by the  front entrance, usually not too many people are there and it’s fairly quiet. Yesterday and today I just about choked the living shit out of a bunch of headbangers and loser frat-esque type guys that were ROCKIN OUT in the arcade. Yes, the arcade is located adjacent to the commons. Granted it’s pretty cool to have an arcade and I plan on shooting the crap out of some sniper bad guys and then racing some morotcycles but who the hell decided to put that right by the commons? So after listening to headbangers ball on full blast and the frat-esque boys screaming about some martial arts game I moved to the campus connection. Which is a sad excuse for a room. It’s basically two tables a bulletin board and a bunch of pamphlets and free magazines like Rent monthly or auto connection and a few copies of the Onion that are about 6 weeks old. Just as I settled in there a couple of elderly sorority girls set up camp for CRU “Christ thru University”. After trying to ignore their snickering and Ya’s from the girllsssss, I packed up and headed to the study center. So finally some peace and quiet where I can concentrate. For about 4 minutes until Sparky starts talking to students and chit chatting with anything that will give her the slightest notion of interest. Sparky is basically my age. A few years past the college age but she thinks she can be cool with everyone cause she’s still young. Then Sparky(who I call this because she sparks up a conversation with everyone she can including the troll janitor) starts talking to Marge. Marge is by far the sorriest excuse for a lesbian I have ever seen. It’s almost as if she is straight and pretending to be gay. She has the classic short semi spikey hair with the Lisa Loeb glasses and somewhat masculine walk and a voice that could shred wood. Marge talks so loud it echoes. ECHOES! I move to the other side of the study lab thinking somehow I can escape her voice and the loudest bag of chips ever that she decided to start eating from bouncing off every table, partition, computer, door, and please keep noise to a minimum, no eating, no cell phones sign. Where Bob is in his office coughing like he’s is about to die and trying to talk to someone on the phone about how his mother died and he left that account open to take care of any bills after her death and now it’s not inactive. So I packed up my bag and left hoping that I could get some work done even with all the distractions at home.