Where the hell have I been? This semester has flown by. It’s almost over already! Only about 2 weeks left and just in time because I’m on the verge of losing my mind. When am I going to share all the pictures of the crazies at my school?

 Somehow I picked classes with an extraordinary work load. I am behind in all my classes which to my horror I realized just HOW far behind last week. Despite working all day at school I come home and eat dinner, then work most nights until midnight and spend most of my weekend working,  I am still behind.  I have a huge research paper for English, an interview and report plus group project crap for business communications, I’m behind in math and need to catch up for the final exam in two weeks, and I have a book review for sociology on top of the regular reading I am supposed to be doing but haven’t.

This book for sociology is actually really interesting and has been an easy read. I hate reading, especially books, so for me to say that is pretty amazing. I think everyone in the U.S. should HAVE to read this. It’s about how Americans buy too much, have too much debt, work too much, and create the most insane amount of waste and pollution imaginable. Affluenza: The Al-Consuming Epidemic. The sad thing is the part that has touched me most is that I realized I havent’ spent anytime with nature in the past few years.  I started crying while reading and thinking about how much I was missing the connected feelings of being with nature. Whatever, I’m so fucking lame! And apparently still feeling emotionally unstable after stopping my medication.

We have new neighbors! Uugghhh. I think I might be having anxiety issues because we have new neighbors and I haven’t been sleeping good. But Fuck! That’s gonna be a long story. I have work to do and I neeeeeeeeed to get back to work on my book report.

My sister in law’s house burned down.

Perhaps you heard about a church exploding in Oconomowoc Wisconsin. The house next door to the church burned so badly they had to eventually tear it down. We just moved my sister in law and three of her four children in there about 2 1/2 weeks ago. They have lost everything! Thankfully no one was home at the time and they are all safe.

Contrary to what the papers and news stations have reported this is the truth: The people that lived there were my sister in law and three of her four children. She is divorced and separated. The man in the newspapers and tv reports has never lived there. He has a separate residence and he has lost nothing.

If there is anyone that would like to donate to the family, all donations are being handled through the family’s church and can be referred here or visit this blog for a paypal link.  http://oconomowocexplosion.wordpress.com/

Isiah 61 Fund
First Congressional United Church of Christ
P.O. Box 273
Oconomowoc, WI 53066
(262)567-4461
Contact: Jo

Thank you.

Oh my god I can’t take it.  I am a raging weeping mess. I haven’t had any drugs in almost a week and in the past week I have started crying at the drop of a hat and have had three major rage episodes. One where I screamed FUCK at the top of my lungs while whipping stools and chairs around the kitchen. All because I couldn’t reach the spaghetti container. Not really, there was more to it but for some reason that spaghetti container put me over the edge.

I started crying while talking to my massage friend about my dysfunctional family and drunk Aunt. I hardly ever cry in front of people. It was a rage fest complaining about my aunt who’s turned into an alcoholic who I can’t even hold a conversation with anymore and not wanting to be the mediator of the family like my mom was and my dysfunctional brother who can’t manage money therefore WE, I mean My brother and I no longer get a share of my grandmothers estate(not like there is much but it was supposed to go to us because my mom is dead and we would get her share, but she lives in assisted living at $5,000 a month and I’m sure there will be nothing left anyways) and because my aunt likes me better and because I call and stop in by grandma every now and then and because I took care of my mom while she was dying I am getting most of her assets when she dies and my brother will get a little something. Which is all a big secret that I have to keep from my brother!

To top it all off I’m having one of those bleeding like a mo fo with lots of clots, bleeding through your tampon in an hour, blood all the way up your ass and leaking all over your sheets in the middle of the night periods and am completely exhausted between the bleeding and no drugs.

I just can’t take it anymore! I feel like I’m schizophrenic and Bi-polar at the same time! After napping for 2 1/2 hours I attempted to do my math homework which is through an on-line program (but I still have regular classes that I go to at school) but there is a quiz due today. I have until midnight to finish it. I burst into tears because I don’t get it. I keep re-reading the instructions and then start crying harder because I STILL don’t fucking get it. Then I go tell SM and I cry to her and then burst out laughing because it’s so ridiculous that I’m crying over MATH. SM tried like 6 times to pass math when she was in school so she understands what I’m feeling so I am laughing and crying on her at the same time while she is laughing at my emotional breakdown over the remainder theorem.

Can someone please explain this to me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polynomial_remainder_theorem

This is actually better than the explanation my math program has and I might be better off studying wiki. Anyway, I’m still crying about it.

Well there are two days left of Spring break. I am not counting Sunday cause it’s Easter, then Monday is back to school. How lame is that? I hate having spring break BEFORE Easter.  Things I planned on doing but didn’t accomplish: read book for sociology that I have to do book report on, catch up on 3 chapters of reading for sociology, get math homework done, do lots of research for the big English research project, read chapter for communications class, get paper work in order to apply for a scholarship.

Things I did accomplish: Sleep for 13 1/2 hours, picked up nails left by asshole roofers at Sugarmomma’s moms house, moved SM’s sis and kids away from asshole ex husband, went to another niece’s b- day party, went to asshole cousins confirmation, had friends over for lunch to visit which required 2 days of cleaning, had delicious fajitas that I have been craving for months, got taxes done(and by got taxes done I mean someone came to the house and did them for us) and we are actually getting a REFUND instead of having to PAY.

Today I reflect on the week’s accomplishments as well as the week’s failures. While feeling so overwhelmed and disappointed I’ll most likely get stressed out and try and cram all things I wanted to get done into these last two days completely ruining any relaxing effect that spring break might have had. Which has almost all been ruined anyways because today being the day after the first official day of spring we are having a snow storm. Yep a 6-10 inch, heavy, wet, windy, drifty, “don’t leave your house unless you have to” kind of snowstorm. Yesterday I was picking up nails left by the roofer at SM’s mom’s house and it was in the 40’s and sunny, I was outside in just a t-shirt. I grilled steak for fajitas and it was a pleasant, but cool evening. By 10pm last night it was freezing and windy.

 This morning I woke up to this sight:

I came home after spending all $150 worth of target gift cards I had on cat litter, Dawn, toilet paper,zantac, and tongs, and was so ravenously hungry that I ate a huge plate of bag salad. Complete with the stem in it, yum. Followed by a half a bag of cool ranch Doritos. Now I’m going to fall into a diabetic coma for an hour or so and when I wake up I’ll try and keep my eyes open and focused long enough to simplify polynomial long division <gag>.

I hate this stupidness. How can one hour fuck your body’s time-clock up so much? It seems to take forever to recover from one stupid hour. Why can’t they stop doing this? What if we just forgot to turn the clocks back in fall, would it really matter? I guess the one good thing about fucking everyone up with daylight savings time is the sudden extra light at dinner time. To celebrate the extra light SM and I are having steaks!

In the brisk 23 degrees of  bitter windiness and snow falling I will stand freezing my ass off for the succulent taste of open fired t-bones. Thanks to auntie and uncle who got us a new grill for Christmas, I can have delicious grilled food all year round.  Happy Daylight Savings Time!

Yesterday I fell. Last week it warmed up enough to rain. Then, of course it got cold. The mess of rain and soggy snow left a layer of ice on everything. The grounds-keeping at school is a ridiculous joke so of course the entire parking lot and walk ways to and fro all the buildings are covered in ice and snow. By one particular building the ice is really bad, covering about 90% of the sidewalk. As careful as I was I started to slip, whipping my arms out of my coat pocket and flailing them around for leverage like a gay boy in show choir and my feet sliding around like I was James brown. Flailing around for what seemed like an eternity, I just about caught my balance as I was half bent over and then the weight of my backpack  shifted over my head and down I went. I laid there for a moment after saying fuck and sighing in shame and anger. I got up and a group of kids walked by staring at me and laughing. I immediately felt rage building up inside of me. I yelled at them “No really I’m fine, thanks for asking” and turned around and called them fucking assholes loud enough for everyone in eyesight to hear.  I had to make the walk of shame past all the little fuckers into the building with droplets on my face from the snow flying and then melting on my enraged face and my pants soaking wet from my ankles to the top of my waist.

I can’t stand these little rude ass, egotistical shitheads. I wanted to kick their fucking asses. I finally get to the point in my life where I have enough balls to really call someone out and beat the shit out of them and I can’t. You know these spoiled mother fuckers would end up getting me expelled and suing me. So instead of beating the shit out of them I blog about the pompass ass bitches and I go to class and when asked what happened to me I tell the entire class about what the little fuckers did hoping that will be enough to let it go.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 Sugarmomma got a card from Stella and the other kids, a card from me, a candle, three kinds of chocolaty treats, a new pair of mittens, flowers, a massage (which she said she didn’t want right now). I am not the most romantic person. Ok I am not romantic at all. I am not spontaneous. But the thoughts behind the gifts were actually thoughtful.

 I am trying to get off my medication for anxiety. I have started easing off my dose of Zoloft and I am at half of what I used to take. Thankfully, I haven’t had any harsh side-effects and haven’t had any relapses with anxiety. I am having some dizziness which isn’t a big deal since half of my life is lived dizzy, but I seem to be a bit emotional lately. Striking out at sugarmomma more than usual and on the verge of tears. Could I be having PMS or is this just a low in the highs and lows of life? I guess I’ll wait it out or see what my Dr. says next week at my next appointment.

Yesterday the whole state was canceled due to weather. Most of the state was hit with a nasty snow storm that produced up to 20 inches of snow. That’s right 20. We only got about 16-18 inches. I thought it was going to continue snowing throughout the night and the today but it didn’t.

At 10pm last night I realized that I had to go to class the next morning and that I hadn’t read the chapter and taken notes for our quiz. I stayed up to almost 1am preparing all my notes.

The best part of wakin’ up,it was not like that here. I was woken up in the morning to the sounds of sugarmomma shoveling outside the bedroom window, little nieces yelling and laughing, toothbrushes that sing songs, cords being hit against the wall in a fury to get ready on time and have your hair straightened, nieces that want to show you their rash but you can’t understand what they are saying because they are missing all four front teeth, and best of all: the sound of sugarmomma’s coat zipper slapping into the sides of the dryer over and over because she can’t stand wearing a damp coat and has to dry it immediately after shoveling.