Day light savings bullshit

I hate this stupidness. How can one hour fuck your body’s time-clock up so much? It seems to take forever to recover from one stupid hour. Why can’t they stop doing this? What if we just forgot to turn the clocks back in fall, would it really matter? I guess the one good thing about fucking everyone up with daylight savings time is the sudden extra light at dinner time. To celebrate the extra light SM and I are having steaks!

In the brisk 23 degrees of  bitter windiness and snow falling I will stand freezing my ass off for the succulent taste of open fired t-bones. Thanks to auntie and uncle who got us a new grill for Christmas, I can have delicious grilled food all year round.  Happy Daylight Savings Time!

You little fuckers

Yesterday I fell. Last week it warmed up enough to rain. Then, of course it got cold. The mess of rain and soggy snow left a layer of ice on everything. The grounds-keeping at school is a ridiculous joke so of course the entire parking lot and walk ways to and fro all the buildings are covered in ice and snow. By one particular building the ice is really bad, covering about 90% of the sidewalk. As careful as I was I started to slip, whipping my arms out of my coat pocket and flailing them around for leverage like a gay boy in show choir and my feet sliding around like I was James brown. Flailing around for what seemed like an eternity, I just about caught my balance as I was half bent over and then the weight of my backpack  shifted over my head and down I went. I laid there for a moment after saying fuck and sighing in shame and anger. I got up and a group of kids walked by staring at me and laughing. I immediately felt rage building up inside of me. I yelled at them “No really I’m fine, thanks for asking” and turned around and called them fucking assholes loud enough for everyone in eyesight to hear.  I had to make the walk of shame past all the little fuckers into the building with droplets on my face from the snow flying and then melting on my enraged face and my pants soaking wet from my ankles to the top of my waist.

I can’t stand these little rude ass, egotistical shitheads. I wanted to kick their fucking asses. I finally get to the point in my life where I have enough balls to really call someone out and beat the shit out of them and I can’t. You know these spoiled mother fuckers would end up getting me expelled and suing me. So instead of beating the shit out of them I blog about the pompass ass bitches and I go to class and when asked what happened to me I tell the entire class about what the little fuckers did hoping that will be enough to let it go.

VD

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 Sugarmomma got a card from Stella and the other kids, a card from me, a candle, three kinds of chocolaty treats, a new pair of mittens, flowers, a massage (which she said she didn’t want right now). I am not the most romantic person. Ok I am not romantic at all. I am not spontaneous. But the thoughts behind the gifts were actually thoughtful.

 I am trying to get off my medication for anxiety. I have started easing off my dose of Zoloft and I am at half of what I used to take. Thankfully, I haven’t had any harsh side-effects and haven’t had any relapses with anxiety. I am having some dizziness which isn’t a big deal since half of my life is lived dizzy, but I seem to be a bit emotional lately. Striking out at sugarmomma more than usual and on the verge of tears. Could I be having PMS or is this just a low in the highs and lows of life? I guess I’ll wait it out or see what my Dr. says next week at my next appointment.

Blizzard of 2008

Yesterday the whole state was canceled due to weather. Most of the state was hit with a nasty snow storm that produced up to 20 inches of snow. That’s right 20. We only got about 16-18 inches. I thought it was going to continue snowing throughout the night and the today but it didn’t.

At 10pm last night I realized that I had to go to class the next morning and that I hadn’t read the chapter and taken notes for our quiz. I stayed up to almost 1am preparing all my notes.

The best part of wakin’ up,it was not like that here. I was woken up in the morning to the sounds of sugarmomma shoveling outside the bedroom window, little nieces yelling and laughing, toothbrushes that sing songs, cords being hit against the wall in a fury to get ready on time and have your hair straightened, nieces that want to show you their rash but you can’t understand what they are saying because they are missing all four front teeth, and best of all: the sound of sugarmomma’s coat zipper slapping into the sides of the dryer over and over because she can’t stand wearing a damp coat and has to dry it immediately after shoveling. 

Loretta Lynn Concert Review

If you like people watching you would have LOVED going to a Loretta Lynn concert. Especially if it’s in the Northern Lights Theater located inside of the Potowatami Bingo Casino where we went. First of all you have to walk through the entire casino to get to the theater. The blinking lights, beep-boop-bop-Ka ching sounds mixed with the smell of cigarettes, metal, grease, and B.O. was intoxicating. It was a white trash bonanza! A mish mash of the most homely, androgynous, too much eye shadow, hick wannabes I’ve seen since the last time I watched Cops. I was worried I would be stared at because I was the only one not dressed up in a blouse and khakis but as soon as I saw the majority of women and men wearing flannel and work boots I knew it would be ok. I think my favorite sight of the night amongst the mullets and sprayed bangs was the woman wearing a pink (fake Velvet) velour dress that was at least six sizes too big on her and with her (gay) boyfriend in a suit that resembled a Grand Ole Opry country style suit that was about six inches too short.The opening act was The Stray Cats who had a hit in the 80’s (stray Cat strut) which I do sorta remember. They looked crazy and played a good bass but all their songs sounded the same. They played for what seemed to be an eternity.We’re ready for Loretta to sing all her goodies and then some men walk on the stage but no Loretta. First Loretta’s son Earl comes out and sings a song which I have never heard of “Aint’ as good as I once was”, a Toby Keith song. Now I am no singer, but I assure you that I have heard better singers at karaoke night at the local gay bar. He could hardly move around stage, he had no rhythm, and his very light colored jeans were from 1982. I was not impressed.After he sings he goes and picks up a guitar and I think “shit do I have to listen to him sing another”? But no he apparently has enough musical talent to play backup guitar with the boys in the band. What a winner. Then a woman walks onto stage and the audience starts briefly clapping until they get a decent look at the woman and realize that it’s not Loretta. She says hello thank you for coming out etc and just as I’m about to shout outloud “who the hell are you”? She explains she is Lorretta’s daughter Patsy Ann one of the twins. She sings “Woman to Woman”. I suspect she got the most musical talent handed down to her. She sounded pretty good, but still why is she singing?

Finally after listening to 40 minutes of the opening act and two songs from family members Loretta comes out. 9:15pm She begins her concert singing:

Let your love shine.
If your lookin at me, your lookin at country.
When the tingle becomes a chill.

Loretta says hello and how nice it’s to be in Milwaukee and makes a reference to not being Detroit and that nothing but bad things come from Detroit and then Earl pipes up and makes a remark. Must be some kind of family joke involving the loser son and Detroit. Now the first few songs she seemed to rush through like the tempo of the music was sped up and she sang fast to keep up. She says this is your show so you get to decide what I sing. The audience begins shouting out songs and she can’t hear them very well and just keeps telling the band to take off on one and she seems annoyed to be there and that the band is taking forever to start playing. She sings:

Portland, Oregon.
They don’t make em like daddy anymore.
One’s on the way.
The pill.
You aint’ woman enough to take my man.

9:35pm: By this time Loretta had to take a seat. She is 73 for god’s sake and she was wearing a ball gown and high heels. I think one of the things I love most about her is her sense of humor. She jokes around with the audience and certainly seems to give Earl a hard time (which I am thinking he deserves and since I’m completely annoyed by him am enjoying immensely). She brushes it off and jokes with the audience when she can’t remember the words to a song or sings the wrong lyrics. Sometimes people would shout a song and she’d say “Oh I can’t remember that one honey, you know I wrote it, but I just can’t remember it.” We clearly hear someone shout “Coal Miner’s Daughter” and she says “Now I save that one for the very end. So if you hear that one you know it’s the end of the show.”

Loretta seems to have a fascination with the microphone cord. Now why in this day and age of technical advancement people are still using microphones with cords is beyond me, but she was constantly moving it around, winding it up, futzing with it in her fingers. I suppose after so many years of performing you get used to having it and need it there. She seemed bored a few times on stage so I suppose it might provide some sort of entertainment or preoccupation.

She continues the concert with:
Love is a foundation.
Fist city.
At this point she begins coughing in between lines of the song and also in between the song and I begin to wonder if she’s going to make it through the concert.

She manages to get the coughing under control and sings:

Blue Kentucky girl.
Don’t come home a drinking.
Dear Uncle Sam.
Squall on the warpath tonight.

Loretta complains that the band is blasting way too loud and that they need to turn it down. Earl of course had to argue and I don’t even know what he mumbled about but it made me want to beat him with a baseball bat after the concert, but they did turn it down a little. So this Earl son of hers seems fucked up to me. I get the impression that he is the fuck up of the family and has to be bailed out of trouble time and time again and so the only way to keep him on track is to have him work for Loretta to keep him in line. At some point in the evening he said something about booze and drugs.

Loretta croons on with:

Here I am again.
Outta my head and into my bed.

It’s time for family Karaoke again! Loretta starts talking about how her grand daughter is always telling her what to do and there is a female voice coming from nowhere to argue with her saying that “no she don’t grammaw”. So Loretta says that her granddaughter told her she was goin to sing tonight and proceeds to introduce her granddaughter. I didn’t catch her name but she came out talking to her daddy Earl, Big surprise.

Granddaughter sings “Before he cheats” to a much higher quality than her dad sings but not Loretta quality. She at least moved around a little and seemed to enjoy singing. You could tell by the way she lifted her leg up (moving her heel towards her ass) and throwing her arms around. She also bent down holding her stomach like she had a belly ache when she sang the long notes and that means that she’s “feelin” the song. Why can’t anyone sing an original song or at least one of Loretta’s? I guess I could understand having family members singing if they wanted to break out on their own and try out new songs on an audience but they are all just singing other famous people’s hits.

Earl says something about how he can make em real good and that he should sell his sperm. Thankfully Loretta didn’t hear it and when she asked what he said Granddaughter said you don’t want to know and she ain’t gonna repeat it.

Loretta talks a little bit with the audience. I love the way she talks. If you have ever seen the Coal Miner’s Daughter where Sissy Spacek Plays Loretta that’s exactly how Loretta talks in real life. On a side note: Sissy Spacek was fucking amazing in that movie! She sang and played guitar herself and sounded fantastic! So while she was talking one of the backup singers interrupts her and walks to the front of the stage. She says “I wasn’t talkin to you and who said you should come up here”? He continues to talk about some bullshit ignoring Loretta. He looks like a wanna be Rod Stewart, complete with leather pants. The second back up singer looks like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz and is also wearing gay leather pants. The third backup singer looked like every gay otter I’ve ever known but he was at least knowledgeable enough about fashion to know that leather pants are a no-no. Rod Stewart bursts into “Peaceful easy Feeling” backed up by the two other backed up singers while Loretta stays sitting and “catches her breath”.

Rod mentions that Loretta not only wrote 100’s of hits but also wrote and sang gospel songs and if she had “caught her breath” and the audience wanted to hear one they would sing a gospel song. Loretta sings with the boys: “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die”.

Loretta and the three idiots sing acapella: No one stands alone. They sounded fucking amazing! It gave me chills.

Then she sang Coal Miners Daughter and it was over.

Despite the annoying family members and retarded back up singers Loretta did sound great. For 73 she put on one hell of a show even if it was only an hour! Besides one band member played my favorite instrument, the steel guitar. I did manage to get one decent picture.
I also got a few short videos which aren’t the greatest quality visually or with audio but you get the point.

 Fist City

You ain’t woman enough to take my man

The Pill

Thirty

As of 7:11am I am THIRTY!

Enough Said.

Paint Whore

This is what I have been for the last two and half weeks. First the kitchen, see previous post. Now the bedroom. We decided on a light blue color. But to avoid tragedies like the kitchen I decide to put a coat of primer on. It’s like putting the thickest oil you can find on your walls. You drip it on the floor and it dries within seconds before you can wipe it. By the time you get down off your ladder or make shift ladder and start wiping it up it’s half dried and you just make a giant smear instead of a little drip. So you finally finish and try to clean up and thinking some HOT water will melt away the oil you realize that it just makes it easier to smear around and you make an even larger mess than what you started with, so you throw it all away and waste some more money at the hardware store buying all new supplies.

So today temper tantrum went like this:

Put on painting clothes and shoes, move furniture again and trip on it several times, recover plastic on all furniture, remove cats from room, trip on plastic covering bed and then recover bed, get out piece of shit vacuum and trip on cord, begin vacuuming and remove dog and cat from room, trip on vacuum, finish vacuuming, since you don’t like the color and you want it lighter you get out old white paint from basement and get even more pissy while you realize that there are no buckets or any other meaningless containers to mix paint in, returning the the site of paint hideousness the crappy screwdriver I have won’t open the old paint can, instead it’s just unrolling the rolled edge of metal on the lid, throwing said screwdriver on the floor making a huge gouge and almost getting a hernia trying to pick myself up off the floor because I am so sore and tired from moving furniture and moving chairs and reaching to corners that I am weak and it takes almost all my energy to get up, get new screwdriver after tripping on rug in hallway, on the way back to paint cans realize that there is a trail of paint because I stepped in a drip and stomped it through half the house and now have to clean it up, after mixing paints and getting it all over gloves realize there is a cat hiding underneath the plastic on the desk and you have to take off the gloves pick up cat and remove from room and slam the door, half the hair that was on the cat is now on your shirt and falls into paint cans, after removing hair and mixing paint the music is cranked up so no one hears my moans of anger and disgust and stomping and slamming, finally after an hour of painting I decide that instead of waiting until tomorrow and going to get MORE supplies from hardware store and having to move and vacuum everything again I will paint the third coat tonight, so I wrap up all painting supplies in Plastic wrap so I don’t have to clean and wash it.  Now I wait and try to calm myself before beginning again.

I just want it over. No more plastic, moving furniture, cleaning up, running to store for one or two more things. I want a day off without having to do anything.

The moral is that painting is never as simple as it sounds. The preparation, process, and cleanup always take three times as long as you thought and three times the energy. Painting, tripping, and hair cause extreme crabbiness.

Flaming Sword

Almost the entire past week has been spent prepping and painting the  god damn kitchen. Sugarmomma and I decided that my winter break project would be to paint. A year ago February we moved in and had asked the landlord about painting and she said as long as it can be painted over it’s fine, she’d reimburse us for the paint. We are finally getting to it. For the kitchen we chose Flaming Sword, which looks nothing like that in real life. Do you remember the crayola crayon color Brick Red? That’s what it reminds me of. I’m not sure if you can really paint over that but too late. Flaming sword is the biggest flaming bitch of a color to paint. No one ever really taught me how to paint. I just kind of learned by experience. I have never painted with a dark color and I of course didn’t do it right. I put on 3 coats and it still looked crappy, streaky, BRIGHT red instead of the deep color it was supposed to be. After a trip to the hardware store and a lesson in how to paint I put on the 4th coat. Thank god it looks much better because I was about to shit my pants with frustration and worry that it would never be ok ever again.

Oops I crapped my pants

Two days ago I crapped my pants. For real. I crapped my pants. I am almost 30 years old and I crapped my pants. I mean just a little, but still. I am horrified. That is all.

Someone please tell that it is ok and that I am not alone. Please help.

Tragic Memories

As we were making our way back from the holiday spent in Illinois with Sugarmomma’s family we traveled through a snowstorm. By about the time we got to the Wisconsin border it had finally let up and the rest of the car was sleeping or nodding off. Sugarmomma’s niece Cherry we call her, rode with us. Cherry is 14. Cherry wants to learn how to drive. She has driven us a couple times before and did very well considering it was her first and second time ever driving. She wanted to drive again but we didn’t think it was a good idea with the weather. It made me think of when I was young and wanted so badly to be able to drive.

 I remember being pretty young probably between 8 and 10 with vivid memories of my mom and her drinking problem. I remember studying intently how to drive. As I rode and my parents drove I would practice in my head which way to turn on the right blinker and left blinker, when to turn it on, when to take your foot off the gas, when to apply the brakes. I knew about how much to turn the wheel when making turns, and when to pull out from a stop sign. I was convinced that if my mom was too drunk to drive us home that I could do it. We spent a lot of time at her friends’ home which was probably only 3-4 miles from where we lived. After several hours of visiting and several drinks and me being the only sober one in the house besides the cats (which spent most of their time trying to hide and avoid me since they were the only things there I could play with), I was informed we’d be spending the night, again. I told my mom that if she wanted to go home that I could drive. Amongst all the laughter of the night, I got the biggest laugh with that line. Needless to say we spent the night and I did not drive us home. I mentioned it many times, but I never drove us home. I am convinced I would have drove us home perfectly. I’m an excellent driver.